The Cheerleader Effect

If you haven’t seen How I met your mother, you may not know exactly what I’m talking about. I personally don’t watch the show religiously, but one of my best friends is obsessed with Barney Stinson, the show’s modern-day Don Juan, playboy, jackass, whatever you want to call him. And he’s cute.

One of my girl friends and I have this silly game where we spot-the-hottie. Puh-lease, like you’ve never done that before. (Oh my gosh, I just said “before” in my head like John Lennon said it in the Beatles’ 40 second long “Maggie Mae” song – sorry, Beatlemania.)
Anyway, so because we have the same tastes, we just spot away. I call her name as soon as I see eye candy, and she does the same for me. I don’t know why we do it, it’s not even just a girl thing. In fact, we started playing it with a guy friend, which got pretty interesting because we were spotting hot girls for him.

So back to the subject. Barney Stinson, the world’s greatest philosopher of the 21st century, author of “The Bro Code” and other nonsense, said something quite funny, yet true. When you see a group of nicely dressed guys or girls, they look hot. You just stare at them stupidly. Take the same group, and seperate each person, and look at them individually. Not so hot anymore. That guy has a unibrow growing. That girl with the mini shorts forgot to shave behind her knees. That other girl’s nose is covering her top lip.
So Mr. Stinson called this weird phenomenon, “The Cheerleader Effect”.

Ever since my friend told me about it, I re-evaluated my standards of the beauty I see in other people, especially strangers. And I’ve come to a great conclusion:
Friends make you hotter than you really are.

If you have a bunch of hot friends, and you’re okay looking, chances are, people will stare at all of you, because psychologically, they see you as a hot group of girls. They’re too lazy to seperate all of you. And if you’re the hot one, and your friends are okay-looking, because you’re hot, you’ll stand out, and people will see your beauty.

However, the Cheerleader Effect does not work, when you’re a group of girls, looking at another group of girls. Girls are bitches, and we know it. If ONE girl is ugly, then she is fugly. And I’ve come to realize, that my guy friends don’t evaluate another group of guys the way we girls do. And believe me, I’ve tried to get them to do so. But boys are like children and candy, or chimpanzees and shiny things.
When a group of very blond girls in shorts walked by my guy friends, they ALL turned. They turned so much, that their necks looked like they were hurting so it hurt my neck so I turned my neck to get the pain out and I saw the girls and turned even more, because they were just so shiny!

And then they walked back. I analyzed them individually, and I realized one was too short, one had a beer belly, one wasn’t really blond, one wasn’t really twenty-five and with the last one, I was just like, “Why are you wearing a fanny pack?!”

So boys and girls, moral of the story: your friends will always make you hotter from behind and afar, but it doesn’t work when you turn around. And when you’re wearing a fanny pack.

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