Scrub; noun \ˈskrəb\: A scrub is a guy that thinks he’s fly and is also known as a buster. Always talkin’ about what he wants and just sits on his broke ass. A scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me, hanging out the passenger side of his best-friend’s ride, trying to holler at me.
So now that you know that I’m going to be talking about those kind of scrubs, all of you Scrubs fans who think I’m going to rant about the TV show can calm down now. But before I can even begin to explain why I’m talking about scrubs, I need to first explain what brought me to this new blog post.
Last week I got a 5-day job offer as a welcoming hostess for an international gourmet cooking convention called SIRHA. And I know you think that this is an awesome job, that I just have to say hi to people, that I just have to smile, that I just have to wear lipstick. Well, I’m here to tell you, NO. That’s a LIE. It was hard work for 8 hours straight, for 5 days in a row. I had to talk, repeat the same things, walk around in painful high heels, begging people to enter a contest to win cooking utensils. By the end of the day, I was too tired to even sleep, so I’d just sit there and reflect on my life.
However, I was pretty lucky to be paired up with two other awesome hostesses. We’ll call them Lisa and Mary. Through the overwhelming customers, deafening music and rude people, we managed to come across a few scrubs. No, that’s a lie. 3/4 of the guys that came to our stand were scrubs. In French, one would call them ‘bolosse’, but there’s not really a word in the dictionary to describe how annoying they are.
So, here’s a list of HORRIBLE pick-up lines or just scrub lies, that were actually said to me, Mary, Lisa and even my female boss, throughout the week.
1. “I used to be 50 Cent’s manager, and his homies and I would hang out all the time. I could get you in any concert, I swear!”
2. “You have a deer’s eyes.”
3. “If I do the contest, can I get your number?”
4. “If I win, do I win your number?”
5. “If I win, do I win a date with you?”
6. “Please, go on a date with me?”. “No.” “No really, please?”
7. “So when are you going to give me your number?”
8. “You see Miss California over there?” (She actually was there.) “Well, you’re FAR prettier, you should be Miss California.”
9. Mary asked to taste a new ice cream flavor at a stand. The guy says, “You can taste anything you want honey. Anything you want!”
10. “Girl, you should get a fine for being so beautiful!”
11. “If my wife wasn’t here with me, I wouldn’t be on my best behavior with you!”
12. “So I’ve been staring at you from across the room, for the past 5 days, and I have got to say: You’re breath taking. Don’t let me near you.” Psychopath much?
13. “Do you like Italians? I’m Italian.”
14. “If I write my name on this contest form, will you write your number on it for me?”
15. “Kiss me, and I’ll do the contest.”
16. “You shouldn’t be behind a desk, you should be in my arms.”
17. While I was walking around in my ridiculous high heels, I tripped and almost fell on some guy. He said, “It’s been a long time since a woman fell into my arms like that!”
18. “I’ve been searching all night for your Facebook. I searched through all of the Lisa’s, and not one of them was you. I wonder how long it’s gonna take to get anything else from you!”
19. “So you’re from Martinique, huh? I’m from Martinique. We’d make a great couple.” And his girlfriend suddenly appeared and pulled him away, giving me the evil eye.
20. “Give me your number.” “No, I’m engaged.” “So am I, give me your number.”
22. “I love you.” “WHAT?!” “That’s what you want to hear, right?”
Where do these people come from? Why did they all come to a gourmet cooking convention? Why is it that ‘welcoming hostesses’ aren’t very well treated?
There’s something wrong with the world. There’s definitely something wrong with scrubs.