“Why did the chicken cross the road? To challenge the turkey.” – My father’s humour.
So I had a layover in Istanbul , on my way to Dubai. It was such a shame that I couldn’t visit the city (my flight was leaving too soon), but it’ll happen one day!
In the meantime, I must list a few things that I really can’t STAND at the airport and/or on airplanes:
1. When people dress like they’re Nicki Minaj to go to the airport
Michael dropped me off at the airport this morning, and as we were waiting for my flight to start boarding, we saw this woman plastered in pink make-up. She was wearing hot pink high heels, tight white see-through pants, a tight white and pink camisole, a hot pink purse, a hot pink suitcase, and a BOW IN HER HAIR.
I tried very hard to take a picture of her without her noticing, and this is the best that I got:
And then I saw a woman in Turkey, wearing a black tank top with fringes at the bottom, NO PANTS, crossed black stockings, wearing THESE HORRIBLE SHOES ! I wasn’t close enough to take a picture of her high heels, but this is what they looked like, without the glitter.
I mean, Jenna Marbles made a video about this, and she is completely right! How are people supposed to run if there’s a problem on the plane, wearing these pumps? Is she going to survive a deserted island if the plane gets lost, bare-foot? I THINK NOT.
2. When you JUST so happen to be seated in front of two women who’ve never taken a plane in their life.
It was horrible. These French women behind me kept screaming “OH LA LA LAAAAA” whenever the plane did something. One woman didn’t know that the airplane showed movies. The other woman literally put up her bare feet in front of her, on my seat arm, so that her nasty toes were touching my elbow. Then they started chatting up this Asian guy next to them, in broken English. They would go back and forth about how they’re 28 years old and still not married, and the Asian guy said he’s married, but still asked them for their numbers, skype, viber, bbm, whatsapp. The women were like, “blablablablablablablabla, so do you understand me?” The Asian guy said, “Uh… No. I don’t understand.” So they repeat the same thing again, in broken English.
3. When the flight attendants are rude and ugly
I hate when ugly people are rude. It just makes them uglier. Especially when you’re supposed to be a flight attendant. I mean, I understand that I was in economy class so there are certain privileges that I can’t have. But when it’s literally time for tea, and the flight attendants are blocking the passage way to the bathroom, and it’s a long flight, and you really have to go, and you ask them if you can go, and they say, “Wait behind me, while I serve tea” which basically translates into “Pee in your pants for all I care”, and you say, “Can I please go to the business class bathroom?” and they say, “NO. BUSINESS CLASS ONLY MADAM” so you’re just like, “COME ON. There are like six people in business class, would they really mind if I use their bathroom? It all goes down in the same place!”
And she was ugly.
4. When people think that they can push in front of you because…
a) You’re a different skin color
b) You’re much younger
c) They’re jealous of what you’re wearing so they’re mad, so they’re rude
d) They had a horrible upbringing
e) They’re tired
f) They’re old
g) They’re fat so they can pass as pregnant. Except it doesn’t work for men.
h) All of the above.
5. When checking in your carry-on luggage, they take their sweet old time
They noticed how you had to run Forrest run to get there on time, but they still decide to SLOWLY check your bag, put new gloves on, ask their colleagues when their buddy Pierre is coming back from his cigarette break, tell you that they think you have too many things, realize that they made a mistake, say “Oh wait, give me that again, I forgot the liquids” and watch you miss your plane by 5 minutes.
6. When they get mad at you for keeping your shoes on at security
Honestly, who wants to go barefoot on a floor where MILLIONS of people have walked in all sorts of nastiness? If they don’t tell me that I have to take my shoes off, I don’t take them off. It’s not like I’m going to carry a knife in my flip flops.
7. Duty Free
SUCH A RIP OFF. ‘Nuff said.