The Working World

Here I am again, working as an event hostess. I usually do this when I want to make extra money or when I’m bored. However, I’m not here to talk about my job; I’m here to talk about the working world in general.

dream-jobs

Look around you. At work, you’re always going to find the following people:

1/ The ‘teacher’s pet’. No matter what, he/she’s always your boss’ favorite employee. He will tattle tale, defend your boss, compliment your boss, work extra hours, get promoted, and just be a pain in the rear end.

2/ The funny guy. He/she’s hilarious, and was most likely class clown in high school. Your boss hates him, but for some reason, he’s still there. He’s one of the only reasons why you’re still sane.

3/ The slut. She’s always surrounded by boys, even if she has a boyfriend. She never mentions that she has a boyfriend, you just know because you caught her texting him. She’s the one with the buttoned-down work shirt, the highest heels, and the brightest lipstick. She’s the one who “prefers to hang out with the boys because girls are so dramatic”.

4/ The guy who’s in love with the slut. He’s the one who will always massage Ms. Slut’s shoulders. He will be her pet. He will chase her even if she has a boyfriend. He will always compliment her. He will have a lisp.

5/ The annoying pre-teen guy. He hasn’t grown out of his middle school pranks. He pranks everyone, including the boss. He will drive you crazy until you hit him. And then he’ll do it again. Somehow, he never gets fired.

6/ The pervert. Why was he even hired ? He will hit on each and every client: old, young, ugly, hot, blond, black, asian. Before you knew him, you thought he was cute but now you won’t – ever again.

7/ The complainer. That’s all he/she does. Complain, complain, complain, and complain, about EVERYTHING. And the only time she stops complaining is when she’s out of your earshot.

8/ Your buddy. OMG if it wasn’t for him/her, you probably would be out of a job by now.

9/ Your boss. It seems as if your boss asks you to do the impossible and knows very well that he/she would never be able to do the same tasks. You wish you were your boss. You wish you could drive his/her car. You wish he/she would pay you more.

And when you’re at work, here’s how you bond with your colleagues:

Colleague #1: “Hey ! How’s it going ?”

Colleague #2: “Ugh, I’m so tired. I hate this job. I hate our boss.”

Colleague #1: “I know right, did you see what she was wearing this morning?”

Colleague #2: “Eww. It’s like her blind guinea pig dressed her.”

Colleague #1: “Ugh, I’m bored. Kill me now.”

Colleague #2: “Ugh, me too. Let’s call in sick tomorrow.”

And when you hate your job, here’s how you spend your days:

6 AM: Break the alarm clock. Whine. Shower. 

8 AM: Wish you ate breakfast. Whine.

10 AM: Text your friend. Whine because she’s still sleeping.

12 PM: Eat a sandwich. Whine because you didn’t take the time to cook spaghetti bolognaise.

2 PM: Draw on everything around you. 

4 PM: Daydream about what your life could have been if you had a different job.

6 PM: Count how many hours you worked during the day. Calculate how much money you earned. Whine because it’s not enough.

8 PM: Take the bus home. Whine because you have to stand.

10 PM: Eat cereal because you don’t have time to cook. 

12 AM: Cry because you have to wake up in 6 hours.

Now, in case you’re wondering, I hate being an event hostess. It’s one of the worst part time jobs I’ve ever had. You have to wear heels, smile at rude people, and work long hours. Next week however, I’ll be doing one of the best jobs I’ve ever had: being a teacher’s assistant at an upper school.

How’s your job going ?

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