I haven’t posted in three weeks… BECAUSE I HAVE EXAMS THIS WEEK. I have exams already, and it feels like just yesterday I was starting kindergarten with my hot pink Barbie backpack and pigtails. I CAN’T just CAN’T even fathom how I wasted an entire summer having fun, when I could have just slept. Every year, I vow the next summer will be devoted to sleep but then every year, I get older and realize I’m a mixture of the #yolo and #youngandwildandfree and #cantbuymelove generation (LOL @ that last one, I wish, bruh).
For the past few weeks, I’ve experienced new things, made a couple of friends and bruises, so here’s a glimpse of the life of Zahra, the tired shopping/cinnamon/cereal addict:
1. New Experience: I won a contest
I ACTUALLY WON A CONTEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mom, Dad, I won a contest! I won something!!!! I never win anything ever, so I’m half expecting ItsmyRayeRaye to forget I won her Eyeko instagram contest. Then again, I had nothing more to do than to repost the following picture with the #makingeyes hashtag, follow ItsmyRayeRaye and Eyeko on instagram and say why I need to win. Which I did:
2. New Memories: The ‘sister’ effect
So yesterday, after working so hard, I went out with some girlfriends for a typical GNO: pasta+shots+dancing+bruises. At first, we had a lovely candlelight dinner, you know, being posh and eating a home cooked bolognaise/mozzarella meal. And then this happened:
And then someone bruised her ankle to the point that her fair skin was tinted black and blue. Not the pretty midnight blue, no, it looked like someone broke a fountain pen and blotted the ink all over her ankle. How we got her home in heels, remains a mysterious miracle to us.
But what really got us, was that we realized how impossible it was to go out in a group of girls without being harassed by EVERY MALE in the city of Lyon. There were all types: Moroccan, Angolan, Senegalese, Senegalese who pretended they were Spanish, French people pretending they spoke English, English people speaking French, drunkards, teenagers, high-on-everything-from-coke-to-spray-deodorant guys, the boring and the old (we nicknamed him ‘Papy’).
I realized that the only possible way to get rid of ‘scrubs‘ was to use the sister effect. It goes a bit like this:
Annoying Guy with Brown Teeth: “Yooooooo where are you little ladies going tonight?”
Girl Annoyed by Guy with Brown Teeth: “Do you have a sister?”
Now Confused A.G.W.B.T: “Uh.. yeah, why?”
Girl Annoyed by Confused A.G.W.B.T: “Because if your sister was walking home with her friends, and some random guy harassed her on the street, wouldn’t you be mad?”
Now Thoughtful and Confused A.G.W.B.T: “Of course, I’d beat him up!”
Girl Annoyed (etc.): “I’ve got two older brothers. Good night.”
And I can PROMISE you, I used this on about five people yesterday, and they all had the same reaction. I guess nobody likes having their sisters harassed.
3. New Bruises: I’m done
I am DONE with my clumsiness. I am DONE with jamming my pinky toe into a random chair. I am DONE with banging my elbows and knees on tables. I am DONE with tripping on my own feet. I am DONE with choking on my own spit. It’s like, my body is trying really hard to kill itself. It’s like, even though I, my conscience and heart, LOVE my body, my actual body hates itself.
That’s why when it was raining the other day, and I was literally running late for class (don’t run in the rain, kids), I almost tripped on my feet and I caught myself in time only to have a DOUBLE glass door wack me on both sides of my body. While the lovely French idiot in front of me who didn’t hold the door for me, looked back, shrugged and continued. I was left tried-and-true, bruised, banged up, broken-hearted AND late.
That being said, can everybody reading this blog post PLEASE, just KEEP THE DOOR OPEN FOR THE PERSON BEHIND YOU. How is that even hard? How is that annoying for you? What if your mother NEVER opened a door for you when you were a toddler who could barely walk? She’d just leave the front door to slam into your chubby face, breaking your nose and sending you flying down the pavement. That’s how I felt a few days ago. And if I find you, young idiot who didn’t keep the door open for me, BE-FREAKING-WARE because I remember your face.