My People Peeves

So you know what a pet peeve is right? Wikipedia says it’s: “a minor annoyance that an individual identifies as particularly annoying to themselves, to a greater degree than others may find it.” Okay, then why do they call it a ‘pet’ peeve? As far as I know, pets have never bothered me, PEOPLE have.

There are a number of things that annoy me, and you can read about them on my Random Facts About Me page. But here, I’m just gonna say it like it is: disrespectful people don’t deserve our respect, friendship or time. They deserve a good SLAP. They deserve to be pushed into a pool full of peanut butter as people throw raisins and fish at them until the peanut butter melts (but it never will because we’ll put them in a huge fridge) and when the peanut butter will start to rot, rodents will pick at them. Then maybe they’ll stop.

So here’s a list of my people peeves a.k.a People who should move in with my Caribbean Granny who would set them straight.

1. The Boyfriend’s Girl

You were born right? Yes. Unless you’re a twin, you were born ALONE right? Yes. Where was your boyfriend when you were born? He was probably pooping in his own diaper. Okay. Then WHY are you acting like you two are the same person? WHY do you have to answer every invitation with, “I’ll ask my boyfriend if he wants to come.” Did we invite your boring boyfriend? NO.

When you answer, “Uh… I can’t, I have to stay with my boyfriend for like the billionth time tonight so I can watch him pick his nose and play FIFA”, I mentally, physically and emotionally resend my invitation to wherever I thought you were worth accompanying me. I then mentally push you in a box called, “Females that shouldn’t be allowed to be females” and shove you in my closet full of never-again’s.

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2. Adult Peer Pressurists

When we’re in high school, sure. We tend to peer pressure our friends into doing questionable things. Some of us did the pressuring, and others received it. But once you hit the big 18 (not 21 guys, I live in France), it’s time you STOP pressuring those of us that actually want to go far in life. You know what I find funny? I am one of the most determined and stubborn people ever, yet I still have “friends” trying to pressure me into doing stuff that don’t make any sense. What is WRONG with you, are you 12 and you really want your friends to try a cigarette for the first time so you won’t be the only one in trouble?

When you’re an adult, it’s worse for one main reason: you’re an ADULT and your real life is just beginning. Doing stupid stuff now can/will have huge consequences on your future. And because I’ve decided to live my life to the fullest as an ambitious, hard working, crazy and successful adult, I will NOT spiral down your self-destructive path of  nonsense. Half of the things I’m pressured into doing aren’t even fun. Can you imagine someone pressuring you into reading a Latin dictionary? Wouldn’t you think that person’s either kidding or officially the most boring person ever? Misery loves its company, but if misery doesn’t have company, then he’s just a boring miserable fool.

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3. Complainers

Please guys, do NOT get out of bed if you’re just going to complain about life, weather, trees, food, mosquitoes, the economy, politics, cats, homework, boyfriends, girlfriends, hair, teachers, work, room temperature, tea, quality of clothing, vegetarians, McDonalds and clubs.

Let me tell you a secret: NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR ANYTHING NEGATIVE YOU SAY ABOUT YOUR LIFE. It’s time you get up in the morning and shout, “Hallelujah, I’m alive!”, run out to buy yourself ice cream and count your blessings. Everyone complains about the most trivial things (I do this very well), but some of us act as if it’s our nation’s duty to whine about our #firstworldproblems.

You know how the French are known to complain a lot? It’s true. They are constantly complaining. They even have a sound they make, that shows they’re about to complain. It goes something like, “KRROGH LA LA ! FIOOUU!”

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4. The Racist “I’m not Racist but…” person

I despise racism with a passion. It’s not just because I’m black, it’s because I’m cultivated. It’s because I’ve been to so many countries, made friends with so many people from different cultures that it would be completely impossible for me to be anything other than anti-racists.

When I hear some people start their sentences with, “I’m not racist but…” I try to refrain myself from answering their ignorance.

I am SO tired of racial stereotyping and people using race as an excuse for everything wrong in their country. Take France for example (because I live here). I am just as French as the rest of you, because of my dad. But when you run your mouth about how all these foreigners are invading your country, taking your jobs and changing your (nonexistent) national religion, shut up and sit down. You’re the FIRST ones to want to go to America to see “Le Big Apple”. The FIRST ones to want to go to Thailand for “des vacances exotiques”. The FIRST ones to want to hop on safaris in the big ‘jungle country’ of “L’Afrique Noire”. And you’re especially the FIRST ones to take a trip to Morocco to smoke the local shisha.

I like France, I really do. But I hate that some of you feel so entitled to your beloved country even though you’ve invaded others’ 300 years ago. I especially hate that many of you young racist students plan on traveling to foreign countries next year for exchange programs. So I sincerely hope from the bottom of my multicultural heart that your VISA’s get rejected.

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5. Party Poopers

If you didn’t want to come to the party, why are you here? Please don’t ruin it for those of us who want to have fun dancing to crap music and drinking cheap wine. I am one of the FIRST people to go home after a party. But at least I go home before  I start party pooping. If I know I’m not gonna have fun wherever you’ll invite me, I’ll just tell you, “Listen, uh… no.”

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There’s more, there’s so much more, but those are the top five that I sincerely cannot tolerate. Life is too beautiful for us to be surrounded by negative people. As Ritu Ghatourey once said, “Your mind is a garden, your thoughts are seeds. You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.”

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Images found on Weheartit.com

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